Girlfriends, there are two things that I usually don't discuss - until now: Religion and Politics.
'Why so?' you may ask? I'll share my top four reasons (for starters) below.
The Political Is Personal, Too!
Politics and religion are two subject matters that I believe people should have 100% autonomy in choosing and deciding on for themselves because while the 'the personal is political' - 'the political is personal too'. According to Britannica (2024):
'The personal is political, is a political slogan expressing a common belief among feminists that the personal experiences of women are rooted in their political situation and gender inequality. Although the origin of the phrase “the personal is political” is uncertain, it became popular following the publication in 1970 of an essay of the same name by American feminist Carol Hanisch, who argued that many personal experiences (particularly those of women) can be traced to one’s location within a system of power relationships.'
This ideology, I have often referenced in my work with domestic and sexual violence prevention and systems advocacy, as it highlights the importance of addressing the ways in which personal experiences are impacted by political status, policy and quite frankly: patriarchy. What it does not highlight, however, is that even amidst the complexities and dualities of politics - whom we choose to vote for and why we vote for them dwindles down to a personal decision that is impacted by our experiences, beliefs and core values. One of those core values for me, is that of autonomy.
Autonomy Is the Root of All Freedom!
According to Merriam-Webster (2024), autonomy is 'self-directing freedom and especially moral independence' . According to me, autonomy is best described by this crass yet rather accurate quote that a girlfriend shared with me that says: 'I like to refer to myself as a free spirit because it sounds classier than 'out of fuc*$ng control!' LOL. But seriously, how does this relate to autonomy and freedom? Well, if I'm not free to make decisions in my life, for my life then what exactly am I doing with my life? Having autonomy over our minds, bodies and souls can be viewed as 'out of control' by systems that are created to oppress or 'maintain order' but indeed, it is the root of all freedom - including the right to determine one's channel to spirituality and one's right to vote. For this reason, I have always minimized my political voice. It is also for the same reason, however, that I choose to amplify it now - with the intention of garnering support for women in politics and the purpose of offering the spirit of Girlfriendism as a new approach to engagement.
If It Doesn't Unite Us...It Divides Us
The dual concepts of the personal and the political as well as autonomy and collectivism are two concepts that I have been wrestling with for the last two years and it was triggered particularly when I was appointed to serve on the 175th Emancipation Commemoration Committee. To say the least, duality created constant challenges that lead me to reflect on the question of 'How do you want to handle this? How will your decisions reflect on you and impact the people you were appointed to serve?' The reality is - my experience is an editorial by itself so I can't begin to explain the depths of how this experience has impacted my life (but I will one day!).
In short order though, I'll say this much: Nothing is ever what it seems from the outside AND you can be on the inside and still feel like you're on the outside. There were so many proposals for programming, funding and community engagement that I made only to be 'tabled', 'dismissed' or 'minimized' and while I prepared to resign time after time while making the oath to remove myself from 'all things politics', I still remained. Why? For one, I found my tribe of like-minded individuals on the committee and while it felt that we were outnumbered, I realize that too often, communities, families and even friendships are divided because we choose to focus on what we think should be rather than embracing the lessons of 'what is'. 'What is' for me, is that I shared a very different perspective on what our committee's role was and how it required us to engage community and...that's okay.
Simultaneously, if I were to resign, who would advocate for community organizations, grassroots initiatives and the arts as archival and cultural storytelling? How would I gain an understanding of how politics worked and how I could impact it for good if I were on the outside? How could I hold space for people on the outside to have voice with the committee if there was no one on the inside to hold space for them? How could I have influence with my perspective if I wasn't there to share it? And get this...if I were to leave because my contributions were not valued in the way that I wanted them to be, how would I be honoring the very core value of autonomy that every other person on that committee has to exercise? How could I be a tool to unite us if I allowed my frustrations to divide us? And what's to say that my advocacy now won't have an impact in the years to come? A quote by Daniel Goleman on social intelligence touches lightly on my decision to remain:
“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate action.”
My desire is to expand my world - for myself and others around me. I want to be an avenue for connection and compassionate action. I can't do that if I am self-absorbed - quitting, resigning and throwing a tantrum every time I'm in a space where others disagree; and I can't do that if I resign from every space that feels resistant. People are allowed to disagree and see things differently - they have autonomy too. Likewise, I am allowed to stand firm in what I believe AND choose flow over resistance AND honor the differences of others too. This is how I was able to shift my experience on the committee - by shifting my perspective; and, this is how I honored my voice while creating room for connection and compassionate action that unites us - not divides us.
All or None - Outcomes of Pillow Talk
I can't take all the credit for the decision to talk girlfriends and politics. I have to thank the love of my life, Shawn, for being an ear for my frustrations, hopes and desires during our midnight pillow talk sessions where we chat about everything from business to politics and family to wealth. In one of our conversations he said: 'You've surprised me. As a person who has devoted their lives to women's empowerment, I haven't heard you say much about the national or local race. We have a Black woman running for President and you're quiet.' (Sidebar: I have to say - this is why I love this man. He challenges me on what no one else will with a spirit of care and compassion that no one else has so feel free to follow our story HERE...but I digress!) I paused at first because the truth is, I have been quiet and I appreciated the opportunity to share with him why.
Just as I'm sharing on this blog, politics and religion are two things that I don't want to debate. As the expert on my own life - I know that I must do what is best for me so I will vote accordingly and pray accordingly - and you should too. I must admit that I surprised myself, however, when my response to him was 'Of course I support her but I live in a colony. I can't vote.' As I heard myself say this out loud, I couldn't believe that I allowed the psychological conditioning of colonialism to make me think for a second that because I couldn't vote for the President that it meant my voice didn't matter. Then I continued to share with him that if I couldn't openly support all women in politics, then I wouldn't publicly support any one because I want all of us to win. That's when I also realized that I could use Girlfriendism as a platform to advocate for women in politics and furthermore, I should use Girlfriendism for this platform too because if I can sport a tee for VP Harris whom I can't vote for, then what's stopping me from sporting a message of supporting women in politics in the Virgin Islands whom I can vote for? I don't need to convince anyone on how to vote but I do want convince everyone that women have a place in politics - whether from the inside or as a supporter on the outside. That's how 'Girlfriends & Politics' came to life. Thanks to the compassionate action of my partner, I wasn't judged for being silent - instead, I was reminded that the absence of my voice was felt...because it matters.
So...Now What?
As we approach Contract Day also known as The Fireburn of 1878 in the U.S. Virgin Islands, I found it timely to share my thoughts now and invite girlfriends who share similar and even different sentiments, to the first 'Girlfriends & Politics' event on October 12th. Contract Day is so much more than an image of three queens* with torches in their hands - its a testimony of the courage, strength and resilience that Black women who are of and in the U.S. Virgin Islands have had and continue to have as we use our collective minds and divine feminine power to foster social and political change with and for our community. When we consider the history of social justice and women's rights in the U.S. Virgin Islands, Caribbean, United States and beyond, women have always been at the center and the forefront of it. It would be a shame and a tragedy for the year of 2024 - the year when the first Black woman is in line for the Presidency of the United States of America - for the political landscape in the U.S. Virgin Islands to represent the opposite with the potential of an all male Senate before us. Girlfriends, we have to do better. We have to put our biases and false perceptions about 'what we think we know' about our candidates on the side and prioritize our wellness and progress. I say OUR because representation of women in the Senate and Congress mean representation for US. Even if we don't agree with all policies (and for the record - we never will), we have to tap in to our collective and ancestral feminine power to ensure that there is ALWAYS representation in decision making spaces that impact our children, our families and our communities. There is no better time than now to start viewing our women in politics as girlfriends whom are deserving of our time, support and attention - than now.
During 'Girlfriends & Politics' we will bring our core values of kindness, compassion, connection, culture and friendship to a historical conversation that deserves a new approach - one of Girlfriendism. While we honor the past of women in politics, advocacy, social justice and unity in the U.S. Virgin Islands and beyond, let us have open, safe and productive dialogue on the present and future of women in politics in the U.S. Virgin Islands! REGISTER HERE (Seats Are Limited!) and we'll see you on October 12th! - Your Girlfriend, Dr. K
*Three Queens are referenced to describe the image provided; however, please read more on the historical update on the Four Queens HERE.
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